When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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