Already got asked if we're dating
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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