I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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