to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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