Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
