I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
