thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
