My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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