the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
