I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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