So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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