She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
