Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
