Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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