Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Terrible idea I love it
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
