You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
