If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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