Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
