I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
