she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
