Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
