There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
