What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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