i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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