So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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