I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
