Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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