Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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