Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
