Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
