did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
