We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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