she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
