If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
