I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
