He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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