What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
