once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
