We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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