Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I am available for nakedness
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
