I could have mohawked her pubes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
