Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
