I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
