do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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