so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
