Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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