I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
