hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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