We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
