You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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