I love having hate sex.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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