So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We had to coat check the pizza.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
