I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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