friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
