i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
