I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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