Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I want her autograph on my taint
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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