Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
