I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
