just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
