Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
