You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
