dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
accomplished twins. life is a go
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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