just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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