hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
