Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
