Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
