the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
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Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
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The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!