glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.