wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.