i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My Sexting was not on an AP level