exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also fuck yeah conspiracy