I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
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I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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