Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal

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  (858): I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal http://tfl.nu/7yck
  Replies (8) Good night (2042) Bad night (643)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.

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  (406): The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots. http://tfl.nu/c5g4
  Replies (10) Good night (2153) Bad night (791)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them

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  (814): I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them http://tfl.nu/cf2l
  Replies (12) Good night (695) Bad night (3502)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.

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  (301): We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope. http://tfl.nu/4d9q
  Replies (28) Good night (5383) Bad night (575)
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  (+41): View more from Switzerland

  I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples

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  (+41): I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples http://tfl.nu/80un
  Replies (16) Good night (1063) Bad night (5096)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...

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  (+61): She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was... http://tfl.nu/7mx1
  Replies (50) Good night (11316) Bad night (2573)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.

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  (617): these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean. http://tfl.nu/z2n6
  Replies (13) Good night (2274) Bad night (1407)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.

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  (516): Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko. http://tfl.nu/dtru
  Replies (10) Good night (2576) Bad night (1022)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.

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  (402): My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself. http://tfl.nu/70br
  Replies (13) Good night (3292) Bad night (701)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.

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  (212): Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals. http://tfl.nu/0i6j
  Replies (2) Good night (1837) Bad night (466)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know

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  (413): styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know http://tfl.nu/4o79
  Replies (9) Good night (1318) Bad night (522)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.

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  (612): I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo. http://tfl.nu/h4b8
  Replies (15) Good night (607) Bad night (1030)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.

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  (360): I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow. http://tfl.nu/5cxp
  Replies (4) Good night (384) Bad night (691)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.

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  (250): I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night. http://tfl.nu/j1jk
  Replies (4) Good night (895) Bad night (342)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.

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  (314): You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex. http://tfl.nu/sc6l
  Replies (4) Good night (647) Bad night (212)

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