Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.