The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
