So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
