Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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