I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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