My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
