using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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