is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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