i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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