I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
My brain says no but my pants say off.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I AM VODKA MAN
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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